Baby Dreams

For the last couple days I have had dreams about our girl. In one we were walking through the airport - the three of us - and I stopped at a little shop to get her a doll. I can even remember what it looked like. A little blond baby doll in a kneeling position (like maybe in prayer). I guess I took too long because I missed the flight. I had to get on a boat, helicopter, and plane to catch up to them and saw my Uncle Mike & Aunt Sophie and a few other friends and relatives who helped me along the way. But all the while I wasn't worried. She was safe with Daddy and I knew she was just a short flight away till I would hold her in my arms.

The second dream was the next day. We got up very early to hold a yard sale. By the afternoon, we were exhausted so I laid down to take a nap. I'm not usually a napper, but this time I drifted off into a deep sleep. I can't remember all the details of that dream, but I know she was there. I was singing to her and we both felt the happiest, most peaceful feeling. I woke up with the Brahms lullaby in my head and was humming it for hours!

Good dreams. Baby is in our hearts and on our minds. I feel like a little Angel is watching over her and keeping her safe and sound until we get there. Soon it WILL be just a short flight until she is in our arms and MY, will lullabies be sung!

Happy Mail Day!

Or I should say, Happy Mail & Delivery Day! We just got our letter of approval form I797C back from the USCIS today! One more baby step closer to our girl! Then we got THIS:

The sweetest gift from our friends Deb & Michael! A beautiful little hand painted plaque about adoption. How incredibly thoughtful! We were really touched and absolutely love it! An hour later UPS shows up with the roman shades from PBK we ordered for the nursery and another box of pretty nylon butterlies and flowers I found on a website called www.bugs-n-blooms.com. So cute! Our angel's room is almost complete!

Weekly Inspiration

To love and honor and respect each other. To find friends that accept you as you are. To have the great honor of loving a child and taking care of him or her. To make a difference. To care deeply for others. To find your soulmate. To love truly. These are all our gifts in this lifetime. Today, let's take time to be thankful.

It Even Smells Pink!

Jeff painted the whole nursery in my absence! I was only gone for 2 days, but the difference is incredible. Amazing what a little paint can do! There was just a little touching up left and the heater base boards and we worked on the room all day Sunday from late morning till about midnight. We painted, cleaned it top to bottom, moved things around, washed and ironed all the linens for the crib and queen bed and put it all together. It looks so cute! We are going to sleep in the queen ourselves (when she gets home) for a few months until she gets used to her new room. The bed sits directly across from the crib so she will be able to see us when she wakes up and vice/verse.

We got a nice crib mattress (Nature-Pedic) that's organic and chemical free and zero VOC paint so I feel we did pretty good. In the middle of all this I was vaccuming and had recently put a new deodorizer in the back filter. It's some sort of berry smell. Jeff's so cute. He walks in and says, WOW. It even SMELLS pink in here! That was our big laugh of the day. It really is pretty and pink in there. Now we just need our little angel to be in it.

Here we are, hard at work...

Painting in my pj's.

The hubby tearing down the old bed frame.

Grandma Donna

My Mom is the sweetest thing. I was feeling under the weather and left her a message explaining that is why I didn't call her back sooner. Well, the next morning she called to say she had taken off work, packed her bags, and was coming down to "take care of her baby". Baby. Yea, she meant me. Even though I told her I was just fine she insisted on coming down and being by my side. In an instant it took me back to all the MANY times she was by my side as a child. For every bump and bruise and cold and flu. For hurt feelings and growing pains - for everything -she was there. She taught me to believe in myself and made me the person I am. And now here I am at almost (choke) 40 and she is still by my side. I'm pretty lucky and our little girl is going to be, too. My Mom is SO excited about her new Grandaughter. She loves her already. We spent the whole day talking and looking through the baby's things and catching up. It was the best "sick day" I've ever had. (I am fine BTW). Thanks, Mom! Love You!

The above pics are her reaction to seeing the baby's pics and video for the first time. Priceless!

Think Pink!

A little bedroom make-over! It was silver sage when we started...

Then we got to work!

After a coat of Ballerina Pink: Instant girls room!

Daddy happily painting his girl's nursery!

Today Jeff is up there putting the first coat of pink on the walls of our girls room. After I botched up the ceiling, he decided to take over. Probably a good idea. It's looking so girlie already. I can't wait to see it all done!

The Bucket List

We just watched this movie last night. Really good. Can't get better acting than that. Got me thinking about my own bucket list or what I prefer to call it - MY LIFE LIST. Made a list long ago. It includes everything from professional goals, to things I want to do, to places I want to visit. Some of the old entries no longer apply as priorities have changed but the places I want to visit are the same. Hope to take our daughter (and future sibling) to places near and far. Here are few things at the top of my list now:

Start a charitable organization to help children, orphans, and/or the hungry.

Make a difference in the lives of others.

Leave the planet a little better off than when I entered it.

Record another CD or two. This time not just for me, but to raise money for charity.

Write a book.

See more of Thailand. Visit Wat Phra Mahathat (1 of the oldest in Thailand). Also visit Chiang Rai, Phuket, Krabi, & Pai.

Go to Cambodia and see Ankor Wat.

Got to India and see Taj Mahal.

Visit South Africa and go on safari.

Go to Croatia (where my family is from)

Go to Austria (where my husband's family comes from)

Go to France & Italy again.

Meet Oprah, Madonna, Father Joe Maier, Greg Morteson, and Angelina Joilie (how's that for a mix?) There are a few more authors I'd love to meet too. All people that inspire and make a difference in this world. What?? Hey, this can be a dream list! You never know ... I COULD meet them. Stranger things have happened.

Hope this brought some of you inspiration or at least a good chuckle! 

Baby's Home Town

We found out our baby is not in Songkhla after all. She is in another orphanage about 2 hours north of Songkhla called Si Thammarat Home for Boys in Nakhon Si Thammarat. In Thai, the town is spelled: นครศรีธรรมราช.

Nakhon Si Thammarat  is one of the southern provinces (changwat) of Thailand, at the eastern shore of the Gulf of Thailand. Neighboring provinces are (from south clockwise) Songkhla ,Phatthalung, Trang, Krabi and Surat Thani.The name of the province derives from its Pali-Sanskrit name Nagara Sri Dhammaraja (City of the Sacred Dharma King), or Bandar Sri Raja Dharma(Jawi: بندر سري راج ضارم) in Malay, which in Thai pronunciation becomes Nakhon Si Thammarat.

Capital:	Nakhon Si Thammarat
Area:	9,942.5 km² Ranked 18th
Inhabitants:	1,519,811 (2000) Ranked 5th
Pop. density:	153 inh./km² Ranked 21st
ISO 3166-2:	TH-80
Governor:	Phanu Uthairat (since 2008)

NST is one of Southern Thailand's best kept secrets. It is about 5-6 hours drive from the popular beach towns of Krabi and Phuket. Nakhon is alive with a vibrant mixture of Buddist and Islamic cultures and a rich historical ambience. Nakhon also has fewer tourist than nearby cities, so the local people are particulary friendly and excited to introduce guests. One of Thailand's most ancient and revered temples and the spiritual heart of Nakhon Sri thammarat, is Wat Pramahathat. It is the largest temple in Southern Thailand and it is believed to contain relics of The Buddha brought to Thailand by Queen Hem Chala of Sri Lanka, more than a thousand years ago. Wat Pramahatat is considered by historians to be the birthplace of Thai Theravada Buddhism.

Near to the temple is the Kiriwong community, nestled in the jungle and mountains of Kao Luang National park. There are many local groups there that make fruit wine, jewelry, soap, cosmetics and tie dye clothing - all using only natural, environmentally friendly materials.

A little history on a special place. The place where our child was born!

I LOVE ENFAMIL!!!

Wow. The power of positive thinking. The power of a good deed. There are really great people out there and one of them works for Enfamil. I found out from our agency that while we can't send anything to the orphanage for our baby until it's official, we CAN send things for the orphanage itself. I asked her what they really needed the most and she said disposable diapers (uggh), formula, bottles, toothbrushes, baby toothpaste, crib sheets. Okay, I think, I can make this happen. I can get everything they need and not only will our child benefit from it, but so will all the other littles ones in the orphanage. I've been giddy all day just brainstorming on how best to do it. Formula seems to me to be of the most importance so I researched which is the best, the cost, and who makes a product with a corporate office actually IN Thailand. I even found out what retailers sell the product in the region where the baby is from. I was thinking I could buy it via credit card from HERE, but have it shipped from THERE. That way the money I save on shipping could go to twice as much formula & supplies and will take half the time. Haven't had much luck with that so far. The post office said a 20lb box (I just approximated) would cost $113 to ship to there. Whew! I'm not being cheap here, but really? There's GOT to be another way.

Undeterred, I called Enfamil direct and asked if I could buy the product & have them ship from their Thailand distributor. I talked to the nicest rep for about a half hour. She wasn't able to send it to Thailand or FROM Thailand, but did give me clarification on the different formulas, which are available over there, and the weight of a case of their powdered formula. It's much less than I thought - 11.98 lbs for a case of the big 25.7 oz. cans. Expensive, yes. But doable to give those kids good nutrition...absolutely! So we are just about to hang up and she asks about the adoption and says because I want to do something so nice they would like to send me a free CASE! Can you believe it? I got all teary eyed and thanked her like a hundred times. God works in wonderful and mysterious ways! I am going to buy at least one more case to match their generous donation and ship them both to Thailand along with some bottles and toothbrushes and other small things. Another idea I got from a nice woman at the post office is to send the formula over with any volunteers/teachers/missionaries that may be traveling to Thailand. I am checking into that and have some calls out. Think how much I could send then! If you live in the US (especially in PA) and can take a few cans to southern Thailand PLEASE email me. In the meantime I will be making calls and pushing Enfamil on every new mom I know! What a GREAT company! BUY ENFAMIL!

Weekly Inspiration

Fun & Games

Another fun thing we have been working on is the baby's first care package. I have been collecting things here and there and already had most of it packed in the shipping box 2 months ago. Yea...long before we even knew we had our girl. (Hey, I don't mess around!) Recently added a few more unique finds I wanted to share and a really great memory game for when the she comes home. It's called "Never Forget A Face" matching game and features pics of children's faces from all over the globe. Unfortunately, Thailand isn't on there, but other South East Asian countries are (Cambodia, Vietnam, and Myranmmar). It's a great, award winning development game and shows ethnic diversity. Love it!

Here are some of the items we will send to Thailand:

So far, the care package includes:

Baby Einstein soft photo album with teether that has pics of us and the house and animals in it.

Baby's First Winnie the Pooh reader in Thai/English (buythaibooks.com)

Little Red Hen and Little Red Riding Hood in Thai/English (buythaibooks.com)

Soft baby book that plays "Hush a Bye Baby" when pressed.

Lil' Silky mini blankie from Lilamonsters.com (so cute & we were told to sleep with it so it smells like us).

Pink pig development toy

Pink soft puppy that barks when you squeeze it (to get her used to how our dog sounds)

Brookstone Photo Ball. (This is GENIUS! Lightweight photo ball with no hard edges. It fits four pics and each photo has 15 seconds of recording so you can say hi from Mommy & Daddy and have pets meow and bark. Comes in silver or wood look. www.Brookstone.com)

Small Asian "Chloe" rag doll from Pottery Barn kids. They have a big version, too. We bought the big one for at home.

Whoozit bright developmental toy. Award winning toy from Manhatten Toy Company.

Disposable cameras for taking pics with a self addressed, stamped envelope.

Want to send gifts to the nannies too, but have no idea yet what to send. They better give us our referral soon before I have ten boxes! As it stands, I think I will break it up into 2 shipments. I don't know...do you think we are excited???

Baby Gear, Beach, & Going Green

As the knowledge settles in that we are really and truly going to be parents, the list of things we need begins to grow. Car seats, strollers, crib, bedding, diapers, development toys, etc. But which ones? Cloth vs. disposable diapers? Which crib? Do we need a conversion kit? What color to paint the nursery? Regular paint or environmentally friendly? Organic or regular baby food? Heck, why not just make our own? Will she even eat baby food when we get her?? Many questions we have pondered while at the beach this week. Fun questions. Happy, excited, and anticipating questions!

It was a wonderful and relaxing week, spent with Jeff's parents. They are really happy about this little girl and will be wonderful Grandparents. Look at their faces as they saw their grandaughter's picture and video for the first time! It was really sweet. Of course, I was there with camera in hand to capture this magical moment for our daughter's book!

We brought our Parents Magazine and Adoption mags with us and happily chatted about our girl all week long. The weather was great, too, and the beach not too crowded. Bethany Beach, DE is a quiet, family beach and Jeff's family has been going there since he was a kid. We really enjoy it now more than ever as we look forward to taking our girl there next summer. Wow, next summer. Can you imagine?

Hit the Rehobeth outlet stores on the way home and let me tell you, there are some AMAZING deals to be had!! The Children's Place had a sale rack with gorgeous sweaters for $1.99 each! Of course we bought 2 of them! And don't even get me started on Gymboree...LOVE that place and the outlet prices were terrific! Did I mention there is no sales tax in DE? Really great, great deals down there! We took a chance and got a few smaller sizes that we hope will fit her at the time we go to Thailand. Up until now we have been buying things bigger. However, they were such a good deal that if they are too small, we will just donate them to the orphanage. We were planning on buying clothes and things for the children anyway.

By the time we got home (and did some research on the net) we had made some decisions about how we would precede. We are going GREEN! First of all, we are going with cloth diapers. Yes, I know some of you think I am crazy, but the benefits to the baby and environment FAR outway a small bit of convenience. Disposables are LOADED with chemicals that can leave a gel and a nasty rash on the babies bottom. Not to mention they take forever to breakdown and fill more landfills then you can imagine. I will deal with the cleaning of poopy diapers and pick up a few packs of TenderCare or Seventh Generation disposables for road trips.

Secondly, I am going to dust off the food procceser and make my own baby food. I welcome any recepies you have out there!! Still researching the whole earth friendly/baby friendly paint thing. Haven't narrowed down the best one yet, but will definitely go for a less odor, less harmful variety.

And finally, we bought the nursery! And when I say we bought the nursery, I do mean the WHOLE nursery! Drove all the way to Lancaster, PA yesterday (2 hours drive) to hit the Pottery Barn Kids Outlet. Well, there were deals to be had, but I think a lot of people hit the sale early on because it was all pretty much picked over by the time we got there at 3 pm. The set I saw months ago was not online anymore and so I hoped it would be at the outlet. All gone. So just by chance, we hit the regular Pottery Barn Kids store on the way home. Low and behold, there it was. The one we both loved...ON SALE and CHEAPER than the outlet! Only a few pieces left so we didn't even bother to register for it. Just brought it on home. Got the crib with conversion kit, the bedding, pillows, and a few misc. accessories. Baby has a room and it is all pink and green and yellow and girly! Or at least it will be very soon! Will post pics when it's done. 

Wishing all of you parents-to-be a fun filled summer with joy and anticipation and growth while you wait for the news of your precious child. All the trappings and gear help to make it real for us. She is coming home. We are going to be this beautiful little girl's parents and are forever grateful! Of course, we want to give her the world, but also be as prepared as possible. It's so fun shopping for all the pretty girly things, but make no mistake. The only thing we REALLY want and need is to have her home. The other stuff is just the icing on the cake. God gave us the most amazing gift and it is more than anything we could ever dream of.

Weekly Inspiration

BREATHE. Inhale. Exhale. Inhale. Exhale. Now drive to the nearest beach, lake, or nature park and repeat. Taking time out to go inward is not just a novel idea - it's ESSENTIAL. As the 4th approaches most people are getting ready for parties, family gatherings, or a trip to the sea shore. Make sure to carve out a few moments (or days) for yourselves. Breathe deeply and appreciate all life has to offer. We (in the adoption world) are getting the most precious gift. No matter how long the wait or where you are in the process, take time out today to embrace the experience and use this "waiting time" to grow, learn, and love even deeper.

There is nothing more peaceful to me than the ocean. Something about it just pulls me in and calms whatever fears or worries that are on my mind. It's been a few years since we've driven down to the little family beach we go to in DE, so we have packed our bags and are heading out. Won't see a new blog till after the 4th. We will have no work, no internet, no worries....just lazy late mornings, followed by lazy days at the beach. A few strolls down the boardwalk, and a few walks with our toes touching the sand. AAAHHHHHH. Just what the doctor ordered!

Wishing you all a Happy 4th of July holiday weekend!

A Quiet Moment

In the midst of celebrating this weekend (our news, my brother's birthday, our friend Tara's birthday, and our friends Christening party)... I caught the sweetest, quiet little moment. It was in the middle of a big 80's themed birthday party for Jason & Tara (which was a blast, BTW). I came upstairs to grab my camera phone and saw that adorable husband of mine in the kitchen alone looking at her picture. I caught him on film and then he quietly slipped the picture back in his pocket and smiled at me. (The pic is only for our eyes for now). How sweet is he? I love that man SO much! This one is going in her Life Book. She will see how much Daddy loved her already!

We had such a wonderful time with all our friends this weekend. Really a great time. Happy Birthday Jason, Tara, and Susan - all celebrating this week!

WE HAVE NEWS!!!!

Yes, we actually, FINALLY, have news!!! It's not official, but, you guessed it! We got a call today from our agency saying the child we have so hoped to adopt is still available and we are going to be matched with her! We weren't even expecting news until the end of the month at the earliest. I actually thought it might be longer. I was at the hair salon with a full head of bleach (highlights) and my hairdresser's phone rings. It's my husband trying to track me down! My cell phone doesn't work in the basement where I was and he remembered I was getting my hair done and called me there. Well, right away I know something is up because Jeff is calling me in the middle of his work day on Joyce's line. He cuts to the chase and says, "Are you sitting down? We got GREAT news today! ...She's OURS!" He went on for another few minutes, but I told him he'd have to repeat that because I heard nothing past "she's ours!" He laughed. I laughed. Then I cried. Actually, I think I started crying the instant he told me the news. We were just so happy that any words I could try to say to describe the feeling just wouldn't come close. How do you describe the happiest day of your life? I have a daughter!

I hung up and screamed and hugged my hair dresser. Lucky for me she is a very good friend! I was glad she was there to share the news with me. I wanted to call everyone on the PLANET when I got to the car, but my cell phone up and died. Great timing. But heck, you still couldn't have wiped the smile off my face. I thanked God the whole way home. I think I was in shock for the better part of the day until it finally sunk in. This is real. I am a mom! We are parents of this child we have been in love with and dreaming about for months! We couldn't be happier! Now there will still be a LONG wait yet until we get our official "referral" and travel. The agency said it may still take until next Spring to get her home, but we are hopeful it could come sooner. For today, one miracle is enough. We got our girl.We know she is ours. That's all we can ask for in a day. We knew she was meant to be ours from the first moment we heard about her and now we are going to be her parents! We are unbelievably happy and truly grateful.

I Heart Daddy

Sending out love and a Happy Father's Day to my Dad, my Father-in-law, and my sweet husband, the Daddy-to-be. Jeff is going to be such a great dad! Also, wishing a happy day to all you other Dad's out there! Thanks to Jason & Melissa for an awesome pre-father's day lamb dinner last night and for including Jeff in the toast! Great food, great laughter. 

Note: You may have noticed I didn't post on Mother's Day. Sorry about that. I was so bummed about NOT being a mom that I didn't feel like posting. No offense to the Moms! You know you are loved! Next year will finally be my turn to join in on the fun.

Hey, don't ya just love that cute little onesie? Love that it has "and Daddy loves me" on the butt. So cute, how could I resist?

To Sling or Not To Sling

That is the question for me today as I ponder my newly purchased baby sling. I had read that it's great to carry your baby in a sling. Great for bonding, great for hands free carrying around, and hey, they can be fashionable, too! Upon some online "research" I find myself at hotslings.com where they have the latest in fashionable slings. I'm like, OH! I can soooo see myself and baby stepping out in style in one of those! They have a ton of gorgeous colors and patterns (which, of course, they encourage you to buy to match with all your outfits). So after drooling on several, I decide on a beautiful red and gold exotic pattern.  Then I google the one I like, find it on super sale at a site called Babysnazz.com and order it up right away. Well it arrived this weekend and instead of carrying around a big thing of flour or sand (that I have heard of some new mom's doing to get used to the weight) I decided to go for a real live specimen. I did consider sticking the cat or dog in there, but thought better of it. There is the issue of animal hair all over my baby's new sling and then there is the actually getting them in there. LOL!  I was on my way to my brother's house for a Father's Day feast with our Dad so I thought I'd try it out on my adorable, unsuspecting nephew.

The child we are waiting on is about 18 lbs now and I was thinking she may still be small enough when we get her for me to carry her around in a sling.  I know that by the time she gets home I am never going to want to put her down! Now they SAY that this sling is supposed to be good for toddlers up to 35 lbs.  At 31 lbs, I figured my nephew a good weight to try it out. It held him well, but it was kind-of a tight fit and they didn't say how you get a toddler to actually want to STAY in there! I got him to do it by telling him we were going to play "kangaroo".  It worked, but not for long! I kept him in there for a few pictures and bribed him with a little car I got him for being such a good boy. He was so cute. After a few pics, he said, "can I get down now, Aunt Jennifer?" Notice how un-thrilled he looks in this picture. He was just appeasing me, God bless him. Not sure it's for everyone and especially not after they are walking around like my nephew. Going to try returning my sling for the next size up and see if it feels better. I think it's supposed to sit the child lower on your hip. I got a size 2 (they range from 1-4) but am thinking a 3 may be better for a bigger baby.  Of course, then I have to see if I can convince sweet Ryan to play "kangaroo" one more time while Aunt Jennifer practices. :-)

Friends & Gratefulness

In the midst of everything that is going on and the seemingly endless wait for news about the baby...well, I decided to count my blessings. I have a wonderful, hard working, and loving husband. We have a great family, a nice home, 2 adorable pets. The AC is working again. We are not sick. We are not hungry. Our basic and not so basic needs are all met. Okay, so the limbo part of our lives right now sucks. But this too shall pass and none of this will matter when we hold our daughter in our arms. 

Last, but certainly not least, I was thinking about all my friends lately. How lucky I am to have so many terrific and supportive girlfriends. I couldn't haven gotten through the ups and downs without you. From the ones who always listen...the ones that inspire or encourage me to be a better person...to the ones who make me laugh. The ones who take me shopping or share the hottest trends who help take my mind off all that is going on. The friends that give me Mommy advice and are shining examples of how it's done. The friends that are just plain fun to be around. My friends from near and far that call to check in and see how I'm doing. And all the wonderful new friends I email daily who know exactly what I am going through - because they have been there or are in the same place now. Sharing the adoption highs and lows with you have been a saving grace. 

So today this post is going out to all of you. Thank you for your friendship, prayers, kindness, support, laughter, phone calls, emails, great dinners, girls-nights-out, letting me "practice" with your kids, book recommendations, and loads of great advice. Most of all thanks for sharing each of your unique and wonderful qualities with me, your friend. No need to list names. You know who you are.

Contractors R Us

Ahhh, the joys of home ownership...

The romantic ideas you have when moving into a historic house.... quiet nights by the fire, sipping tea on the porch, having friends and family over for a cook out...lovely! And then reality sets in. Gee, this is a lot of work! Don't get me wrong, we LOVE our place, but let me tell you it is a LOT of work. We did many renovations and repairs over the last 7 years and thought we were pretty much done. Well, evidently, you are NEVER done with an old house.

Over the last month we replaced one old carpet, a second one that needs replaced soon thanks to a finicky cat, got a new oil tank, got the 50 year old one dug out from the ground, and had (what seemed like) ten tons of mulch delivered for the flower beds. Now there's a fun job for ya... hauling stinky heavy black mulch around and spreading it out in every bed. Feels great on the back. Okay, I have to admit it looks really good, though.

This week the air conditioning broke and the regular guy that services it decided he didn't want to service it anymore. He actually told me to try to find someone else. Thanks, buddy! Of course, we have a 300 year old farmhouse and the previous owners thought it a great idea to put the ac unit in the teeny tiny crawl space we call an attic. Not exactly a dream gig for anyone. Luckily, I did find someone who would do it and they are coming on Monday. I told them to send their thinnest and most agile worker! Two years ago squirrels got into the attic, chewed threw the floater balls, and the condenser or something overflowed and flooded the bedroom below it. The AC was acting funny a couple days ago and shut off in the middle of the night so I ran upstairs to inspect. Yep...wet spots on the ceiling. Thank God I noticed it before it got worse!

So in addition to the fun going on at the top of the house, the bottom has been a joy as well. Heavy rains produced a fair amount of flooding in the basement so now I have yet ANOTHER contractor coming Monday to dig out the base of the gutters and pipe and replace to get the water to run away from the house. Thought that problem was taken care of long ago. Fun, stuff, I tell you. A ball of laughs.

Hey, at least all this has gotten my mind off the adoption now and then. And I still have my sense of humor! Last night I went for a well deserved, much needed massage and bought a cute pair of red Fit Flops. Feel like a new woman today. Ready to tackle whatever else life has in store for me. I think. Okay, within reason, please God!

Weekly Inspiration

Me & My Man

Yea, we're silly. Still two crazy kids in love...
These are some fun pics Jeff's cousin Kelly took of us this weekend when we were out. Kel had the brilliant idea that this old parking lot wall would be a cool background. Good eye! We LOVE 'em! Think we have to hire her to take pics when the baby comes home!

When The Going Gets Tough, The Tough Go Out!

Jen, Kelly, & Kirsten hanging out in Manyunk

Lisa posing with her bad self

After spending the greater part of the last few weeks agonizing over the "wait", spring cleaning and doing entirely TOO much yard work, we thought it high time we go out and have some fun. It's been way too long since we got together with Jeff's awesome cousin's, the Poelck's, so we got together Sat. night. Such a fun and loving group. We always have such a good time together. Went to a cute area outside of Philly called Manyunk, had dinner, walked around...a good time was had by all. Proof is captured above!

The whole weekend was so nice, actually. Beautiful, warm & sunny weekend. We had a wonderful time at my brother Jason's house yesterday for our nephew's birthday party. Little Ryan turned 3 and is sooo cute! He is big time into dinosaurs and they did such a good job with the themed party.  We had fun playing with him and all the other adorable babies and kids. I can't BELIEVE I forgot to take pictures!! So unlike me! It was just so nice to see everyone we haven't seen in awhile that I totally forgot to start shooting! We really enjoyed hanging with our family and friends and catching up! Such a nice laid back and relaxing day. 

The Great Wait

Ahhh, the great wait. We knew we would have one. We knew adoption was a process, but I don't think we ever imagined how tough it would be. The thing is we were originally told it could take 2-3 years for a girl from Thai Red Cross program and although thoroughly bummed about it, we were prepared to wait. Well, that was then and this is now. The truth is when we heard about a particular little girl that was waiting for a family everything changed for us. We have loved her (sight unseen) since the first day we heard about her (March 28th) some 2 months ago. In our hearts we know there was a reason we were told about her and she was meant to be ours. We waited a month to get more info on her and the day it came, she was already matched with a family. That call came in on April 28th. As you can imagine, we were deflated. We thought we had lost her. I was so sad I couldn't post about it. Now words would come.

Well, it turned out the family declined because they wanted an older child, so our agency rushed our dossier over. They agreed to review it...but that was a month ago. We asked the agency to let us see her file...just in case. We just have this feeling. Then 2 weeks ago we heard they would be reviewing our file at the next board meeting. They had a meeting this week, but we don't know if it was THE meeting they were referring to or if this could go on another few weeks. Or months. It's the hardest wait we have ever endured. It will be worth every second if they decide she is ours! We have now seen her picture. Her video. We stare at them several times a day. That is, ONLY several times a day if I can tear myself away from the computer! She's SO unbelievable beautiful, but it's not just her looks... it's more of a feeling I can't quite describe. There is something about her eyes. Like she is an old soul and someone I was destined to meet. I can't explain it really, but we feel so connected to her already! I can't even think that she may not be ours. It would be quite a blow.

Alright, that is enough of my even going there. If I'm in denial, then so be it, but she has got to be our daughter and that's that! They say good things come to those who wait and no news is good news. Okay, let's go with that! It's true that it would have only taken them a minute to say no, she's already with another family, right? We are praying with all our might that our good news is coming soon and we have to trust that everything will turn out okay. Thanks to all of you for your prayers and love and support! I have received so many nice emails from friends and family and we can't even tell you what that means to us.

For today...well, it's more busy work. Throwing myself into home and yard work. Maybe tomorrow will be the day we get news. The news that we finally have a child. A beautiful daughter.

Weekly Inspiration!

Patience, Faith & A Plan of Action

Well, as you know, patience isn't one of my stronger suits. Boy, I am being forced to learn it now! The adoption process is soooo long and just when you think you are getting somewhere and you have some little scrap of info, you find you have to wait weeks or months for the rest of it. Some days I think I'm going to die if I have to wait another whole minute to get information on our baby. Other days I spend hours and hours online looking up adoption blogs, staring at adorable Thai babies and happy families that have their bundles of joy home already. But I don't stop there. I look up every known disease and development delay, early intervention, therapy, schools, growth charts, and adoption information of every variety. Then I look up country information, Thai culture, Thai holidays, baby names, and of course, shopping sites for baby. Torture. Sheer torture, I tell you! Okay, the last few aren't so torturous. Oh, but I daydream about what she'll be like, all the places I want to take her, all the little things we want to share with her. I picture her in all the cute little outfits I got her and see her throwing her hat off in a tantrum and me thinking this is really cute. Stubborn just like mommy! Yea, you can remind me I said that. :)

I am keeping my sense of humor up this evening, but the last few weeks have been a bit more stressful for us than usual. Praying, meditating, and reading have all helped me through this process, and of course, the support of my friends and family. Jeff has had his work to keep him busy and is SWAMPED. My work is dead right now so I had to find a way to distract myself. I made a list of all the projects I wanted to get to and never had time to do. I decided to come up with a plan of action. I have limited my internet time and am GETTING BUSY!

Since Friday, I have taken 2 yoga classes, found and visited a Thai temple near my home to learn more about Buddhism, took my first Thai language class there from a very sweet monk, and found some great sites to learn Thai at home, and studied a bit. I cleaned out my entire closet (no small feat!), cleaned out my pantry (now you KNOW I am desperate to distract myself), cleaned and organized the whole house, ordered carpet for my family room, made a pile of things for a yard sale I'm planning, and I am headed to the fridge next for a serious clean-out! I've had a couple good walks with the dog (about 2-3) miles each, ran every errand I could think of and have done 6 loads of laundry. I figure if I have to wait and work is slow, the LEAST I can do is get my house and myself in tip-top shape. I've already done enough retail therapy to dress my child for the first year that she's home so I had to find another outlet for my frustration.

So to all you mom's out there in limbo, I offer this simple advice: GET MOVING!

Take a class, learn a language, do yoga, meditate, go to church, to temple...whatever motivates and gets you going. Organize your living space, scrapbook, get all those photos developed and in albums, work on the babies room, paint, garden, take on a new project at work or around the house, read that book you've been meaning to read, visit friends you never get to see (or at least get in touch with all of them) and stay as busy as possible. See the first weekly inspiration below. It's a good one! I can't take credit for it though. Found it online. Enjoy!

Thanks to all of you who have been there for me the last few weeks. We WILL have news to share with you soon. I just know it!

Weekly Inspiration!

Promise yourself to be so strong that nothing can disturb your peace of mind. Look at the sunny side of everything and make your optimism come true. Think only of the best, work only for the best, and expect only the best. Forget the mistakes of the past and press on to the greater achievements of the future. Give so much time to the improvement of yourself that you have no time to criticize others. Live in the faith that the whole world is on your side so long as you are true to the best that is in you!

   - Christian Larson

PATIENCE

The Wikipedia dictionary defines patience as: the state of endurance under difficult circumstances, which can mean persevering in the face of a delay...

Well I define it as my life's greatest challenge! I know I need more of it, but just the very need of it makes me grow more impatient for a taste this magical ingredient to life! How does one acquire such great endurance? Well, I sure can't tell you, but I'm guessing time helps. I have the persevering part down. Maybe the rest will come! :-)

One thing I do know is this: The longer we have had to wait for a baby, the more my heart knows that I will love being a mother. The longer we wait for information on this baby, the more I love this unknown little person with my heart and soul.  How can you feel such a deep connection with someone you have never even met? I'm not sure, but it's there and filling my heart as we speak. 

So maybe this crazy, elusive thing called patience is worth it. Maybe it will show up right when I need it. Let's hope!

Our Child's First Birthday

April 11, 2007 was a miraculous day!

The moon was 3/4 full, heading towards the new moon on the 17th . The temperature was hot and balmy (about 94 F) in the southern part of Thailand. It was the Year of the Fire Pig, according to the Chinese Zodiac. A year said to be very lucky, as the fire element in the The Year of the Pig only occurs once every 600 years. Well, it was a once in a lifetime occurrence to us! A beautiful baby girl was born on the other side of the world and unknowingly became the answer to our prayers. While we were here waiting to be parents and give all our love to a child, she was born under difficult circumstances and needed a mommy and daddy to love her. God united our souls through the awesome gift of adoption. It's so amazing.

Today, this new Mommy & Daddy are giddy and excited, but also feel a strong tug at our hearts because we can't be there for her 1st birthday. So we did what any emotionally charged, eager new parents would do: we ordered Thai food from our favorite restaurant, put a "1" candle on a coconut flange and celebrated her birthday. We said a special prayer for her health and safety until we can get there and thanked God for her precious life. Sappy? Oh yea. I have been the QUEEN of Sappiness lately! But someday we can show her the picture and she will know that from a land far, far away someone was loving her and celebrating her birthday. Happy Birthday baby!

Almost Your Birthday

(Excerpt from personal journal - April 4, 2008)

Today I cried at the Walmart. Not full out crying, but tears sprang to my eyes as I strolled down the birthday aisle filled with paper plates, cups and napkins. All matching pretty patterns next to birthday candles, party hats, favors, and decorations. It's your birthday one week from today. Who is going to celebrate it with you? Will it go by unnoticed? Will someone hold you and let you know how great the world is because your in it? (I will someday!) I will pray with every ounce of my being that you will know you are loved. We are dying to be with you right now and take you home!

I bought you a few presents! You won't be able to see them until next year's birthday, but they will be waiting for you. I also bought a little candle. It's a number 1. We will put it on a cake and wish you love. We will say a prayer together and thank God for you. If you ever look back on your beginnings and wonder if you were loved, know that, YES, you were truly and wholeheartedly loved...by an unknown force pulling our love through millions of miles. We love the little you we haven't even seen yet! We don't even know much about you and yet we feel for you so deep in our hearts that it hurts sometimes.

Waiting On Info

Waiting quite impatiently, I must add. Found out we won't get to see her picture and medical info for at least 3 weeks. Three whole weeks! It feels like forever! The medical reports have to be translated and I guess it takes that long. Then it will be sent to Wacap and our agency rep, Andrea has to get back from Thailand, put together a whole file on it and THEN we get to see it. Urrrr. I want it NOW! So many questions on my mind today...What does she look like? Is she healthy? What are her special needs? What is CP and does she have it? Will she be okay? Will she walk? What kind of doctors do we need? Will she be ours? Is it official? When will we know? Will I be a good mom? Will I know what to do? Is she cute? Sweet? Stubborn? Silly? Happy? Sad? Fussy? Lovey??

Can't sleep. Can't think of anything else.

A Gem Called Ruby

Ruby Kate 

Born: April 11th

Birthplace: Nakhon Si Tammarat, Thailand

• Name Meaning: A precious gem. 
  
• Middle Name:  After my beautiful Gram, Katherine (Kate)
  
• Thai Name: Suphawadi
  
• Thai Name Meaning: Supha = beautiful, Wadi = calm and peaceful. (Can also mean "good lady" if broken down as Su-good, pha=light , wadi= lady)
• Sign: Aries 
• Aries Personality: Full of energy, vivacious, very affectionate. Hungers for mental & spiritual responsibility. As a baby can be stubborn and need full attention. (watch out world, you have another ME on your hands!)
  
• Chinese Zodiac: 2007 was The Year of the Red/Fire Pig. Very lucky year. Happens only once every 600 years.
  
• Pig Personality:  Mild tempered, enjoys food & sleeping, doesn't worry much, active, outgoing, & extroverted.
  
• Lucky Color for Aries: Red
  
• Lucky Gemstone: Bloodstone (opaque green stone with red flecks) - stone of courage, vitality, & strength.
  
• Birthstone: Diamond - stone of purity, love, & strength.
  
• Flower: Geranium
• Lucky Color by birth day of the week (custom in Thailand) - Wed = Green.
• Lucky Number: 9 - The highest single digit & the most holy according to various cultures, religions & numerology.

The day she was born: Wednesday, April 11th. Average temperature that day in Thailand was 94F. There was 3/4 full moon in the sky heading towards the new moon on the 17th. 

Signs

(Except from my personal journal, March 29th, 2008)

I woke up this morning to pictures of the Songkhla Orphanage! Don't you just love the internet? My mind is still going overtime and I didn't sleep much. I said a long, hard prayer to protect this child and to give Jeff and I absolute certainty that this is supposed to be our child. My wish was granted.

I checked my email and had several emails from this wonderful woman from Australia describing her journey to her boys, the orphanage, the staff there and how great they are, and answers to many of my questions. What a Godsend this woman is and what a sign that this is meant to be!

Another interesting thing that happened was while I was working. I was helping to operate the simulator ride at our booth. A beautiful family with a Chinese daughter was in line. I couldn't help myself. I had to say hello and gush about our adoption and how we may have a daughter, etc. The mom was so incredibly nice and excited to hear about it. I told her that they said she had slight delayed development and that I was a little nervous, but knew she was to be our daughter. She said slight delays? That's nothing! She asked if we saw a picture and I explained that our agency won't show us her pic until we see the medical report and that will take 3 weeks. They don't want families falling in love with a picture and then finding out about their medical conditions and changing their minds. She said "well, we DID fall in love with her picture and nearly fell over when we got the medical report" That darling girl had all sorts of health issues and was "said" to be SEVERELY delayed. Turns out she did need a heart operation, but is in great health now. She rapidly caught up after being home and loved and is no longer behind at all! She said she is now happy, healthy and thriving (at 3) and she was so glad she didn't listen to those who were worried about delays. She recommended a great doctor in NY that works only with internationally adopted kids. Her name is Jane Aronson and I have heard of her. Think we will use her to review the medical when we get it in.

So, wow. If that wasn't the sign I needed, I don't know what is! The message was loud and clear. She is our daughter and it's all going to be okay.

We Might Have A Baby!!!!

I have to tell someone what is happening. I feel like I may burst! We might have a little girl and I am not supposed to get excited yet. How? It could be weeks yet until we get information and I am on pins and needles. Here is what happened...

(An excerpt from my personal journal - March 28, 2008)

My head is reeling. My heart is racing. Could this be real? We were told the wait for a child was 2-3 years and yet TODAY - only 4 months after we started - we may already know who our child is!

I am working the NY Auto Show this week. I get a message from Jeff  around 5 pm to call him right away. I didn't get off until 6. I didn't have any official breaks left, but I had a funny feeling about it and called him right away while on the show floor. He said he had gotten an email from Andrea, our case worker with Wacap. She is in Thailand and said she has seen a lot of new kids lately. Jeff had written to say "does that mean the waiting time might be less?" She wrote back to say, "No, the Thai Red Cross program is still currently 2-3 years for a healthy infant girl, but if you are interested, there is a little girl we saw today, her name is S---------- and she has slight delayed development, but is otherwise healthy. She is 11 months old and you could possibly have her home in 10-12 months."  

WHAT???? OMG!!! I nearly dropped the phone my hand was trembling so bad. I ran off the show floor half in shock, half crying, and still trying to wrap my head around this incredible information. Jeff repeated it for me. Like 5 times. I am in the restroom by now and my dear friend Tammy ran in to see if I was okay. Another co-worker saw me run in there crying and thought something was wrong and told her to check on me. I let her know I was okay and asked Jeff to repeat it all once again. Jeff wrote her back immediately, of course, and said "YES! We want her! Send us information asap!" He knew my response would be the same. Instantly we both knew this was our child even though we know very little about her.

We think she is from Songkhla, a province in the south of Thailand. I asked on the Thai Adopt Yahoo group if anyone had ever adopted from there. Nothing yet. So I just wait and think some more. I have been sitting in my room for hours still trying to digest it all. We hadn't thought about special needs. What exactly does slight delayed development mean? I am a little scared and yet I KNOW this is supposed to be my child. Dear God, please let me be right! 

Jeff visits me in Thailand!

There are SO many pictures from our time there, that I could never post them all. But here a few of my favorite shots of us in Bangkok and Hua Hin.  After he recovered from the long 23 hours of flying, Jeff loved it all as much as I did!

The first pic was taken on the terrace of hotel over looking the Chao Phraya river. It was my first night off since he arrived and we went on a sunset dinner cruise that night. Touristy, yes, but very nice. I wish I could have taken a good picture of Wat Arun (a temple) as we passed it in the moon light but it was too dark. I guess some things are meant to be enjoyed only in the moment. Actually, I just remembered I have a pic that comes close! Look on the right hand side of this page. There is a pic of Wat Arun at sunset.

The next 3 were taken in are Hua Hin (a little beach town 2 hours south of Bangkok). The town is easily reached by bus for about $2 US. It's a friendly town and you could walk everywhere. The market and local restaurants were all nearby. The massage in a sala overlooking the beach was an especially nice treat and only $20 US for an hour! Can we get that around here, please? I would be a much more laid back person!

This last pic was taken at dinner on his first trip out. No making fun of his pink tropical drink! It was my idea! 

2nd Trip to Thailand

Another wonderful trip. By this time, Muk & I

had become really close friends. We emailed a lot in between visits and still do today. On this trip she took me to Ayutthaya, the old capital of Thailand. 

The elephant ride was my idea. I have it on my "life list" of things to do. My original vision was to ride an elephant through a jungle. But, hey, we all have to work within our own limits and I can tell you this was definitely a better (safer) option for me!

The big Buddha was a special find. She took me

to a temple that she had never

 even been to. We went in and met a

 monk that saw us

 leaving. He pointed us

towards the back. We walked in and then looked up and up and up! The Buddha statue was 2 stories tall. If you look closely in the picture you can see two men (on the left) changing the Buddha's robe for the season. That gives you an idea of just how big it was.  It was a special place and a special day.

My First Trip to Thailand

What an amazing place. Thailand is called The Land of Smiles and in my opinion, home the world's nicest people! My gig singing at the Mandarin Oriental was incredible. My band was unbelievably talented and the staff at the hotel warm and kind and the most hospitable on earth! In an international city as bustling as Bangkok (think NY) you would be surprised to know that I didn't come across a single rude person in 3 months! Everyone I encountered was kind and considerate. I made many friends & one very dear friend that I will know forever, my friend Muk. Below are shots with my friends. The first is Muk & I and then second are all the girls that worked at the Bamboo Bar - Ay, Little Kae, Big Kae, and Muk. 

The sights and smells of the city are like no other. The smell of incense and teak wood and jasmine flowers battle the air with traffic, pollution, open fish markets, and stalls cooking spicy Thai dishes right on the corner. It's a land of great diversity, rich culture, and a peace and gratefulness that is rare to witness.

I had a wonderful time there and experienced so much. It was one of the best gigs I ever had, too. The band was great and the place packed most nights. Really one of the best times of my life. These shots were taken on my last night before I went home.