Thursday, May 29, 2008

The Great Wait

Ahhh, the great wait. We knew we would have one. We knew adoption was a process, but I don't think we ever imagined how tough it would be. The thing is we were originally told it could take 2-3 years for a girl from Thai Red Cross program and although thoroughly bummed about it, we were prepared to wait. Well, that was then and this is now. The truth is when we heard about a particular little girl that was waiting for a family everything changed for us. We have loved her (sight unseen) since the first day we heard about her (March 28th) some 2 months ago. In our hearts we know there was a reason we were told about her and she was meant to be ours. We waited a month to get more info on her and the day it came, she was already matched with a family. That call came in on April 28th. As you can imagine, we were deflated. We thought we had lost her. I was so sad I couldn't post about it. Now words would come.

Well, it turned out the family declined because they wanted an older child, so our agency rushed our dossier over. They agreed to review it...but that was a month ago. We asked the agency to let us see her file...just in case. We just have this feeling. Then 2 weeks ago we heard they would be reviewing our file at the next board meeting. They had a meeting this week, but we don't know if it was THE meeting they were referring to or if this could go on another few weeks. Or months. It's the hardest wait we have ever endured. It will be worth every second if they decide she is ours! We have now seen her picture. Her video. We stare at them several times a day. That is, ONLY several times a day if I can tear myself away from the computer! She's SO unbelievable beautiful, but it's not just her looks... it's more of a feeling I can't quite describe. There is something about her eyes. Like she is an old soul and someone I was destined to meet. I can't explain it really, but we feel so connected to her already! I can't even think that she may not be ours. It would be quite a blow.

Alright, that is enough of my even going there. If I'm in denial, then so be it, but she has got to be our daughter and that's that! They say good things come to those who wait and no news is good news. Okay, let's go with that! It's true that it would have only taken them a minute to say no, she's already with another family, right? We are praying with all our might that our good news is coming soon and we have to trust that everything will turn out okay. Thanks to all of you for your prayers and love and support! I have received so many nice emails from friends and family and we can't even tell you what that means to us.

For today...well, it's more busy work. Throwing myself into home and yard work. Maybe tomorrow will be the day we get news. The news that we finally have a child. A beautiful daughter.

Monday, May 19, 2008

Patience, Faith & A Plan of Action

Well, as you know, patience isn't one of my stronger suits. Boy, I am being forced to learn it now! The adoption process is soooo long and just when you think you are getting somewhere and you have some little scrap of info, you find you have to wait weeks or months for the rest of it. Some days I think I'm going to die if I have to wait another whole minute to get information on our baby. Other days I spend hours and hours online looking up adoption blogs, staring at adorable Thai babies and happy families that have their bundles of joy home already. But I don't stop there. I look up every known disease and development delay, early intervention, therapy, schools, growth charts, and adoption information of every variety. Then I look up country information, Thai culture, Thai holidays, baby names, and of course, shopping sites for baby. Torture. Sheer torture, I tell you! Okay, the last few aren't so torturous. Oh, but I daydream about what she'll be like, all the places I want to take her, all the little things we want to share with her. I picture her in all the cute little outfits I got her and see her throwing her hat off in a tantrum and me thinking this is really cute. Stubborn just like mommy! Yea, you can remind me I said that. :)

I am keeping my sense of humor up this evening, but the last few weeks have been a bit more stressful for us than usual. Praying, meditating, and reading have all helped me through this process, and of course, the support of my friends and family. Jeff has had his work to keep him busy and is SWAMPED. My work is dead right now so I had to find a way to distract myself. I made a list of all the projects I wanted to get to and never had time to do. I decided to come up with a plan of action. I have limited my internet time and am GETTING BUSY!

Since Friday, I have taken 2 yoga classes, found and visited a Thai temple near my home to learn more about Buddhism, took my first Thai language class there from a very sweet monk, and found some great sites to learn Thai at home, and studied a bit. I cleaned out my entire closet (no small feat!), cleaned out my pantry (now you KNOW I am desperate to distract myself), cleaned and organized the whole house, ordered carpet for my family room, made a pile of things for a yard sale I'm planning, and I am headed to the fridge next for a serious clean-out! I've had a couple good walks with the dog (about 2-3) miles each, ran every errand I could think of and have done 6 loads of laundry. I figure if I have to wait and work is slow, the LEAST I can do is get my house and myself in tip-top shape. I've already done enough retail therapy to dress my child for the first year that she's home so I had to find another outlet for my frustration.

So to all you mom's out there in limbo, I offer this simple advice: GET MOVING!
Take a class, learn a language, do yoga, meditate, go to church, to temple...whatever motivates and gets you going. Organize your living space, scrapbook, get all those photos developed and in albums, work on the babies room, paint, garden, take on a new project at work or around the house, read that book you've been meaning to read, visit friends you never get to see (or at least get in touch with all of them) and stay as busy as possible. See the first weekly inspiration below. It's a good one! I can't take credit for it though. Found it online. Enjoy!

Thanks to all of you who have been there for me the last few weeks. We WILL have news to share with you soon. I just know it!

Weekly Inspiration!

Promise yourself to be so strong that nothing can disturb your peace of mind. Look at the sunny side of everything and make your optimism come true. Think only of the best, work only for the best, and expect only the best. Forget the mistakes of the past and press on to the greater achievements of the future. Give so much time to the improvement of yourself that you have no time to criticize others. Live in the faith that the whole world is on your side so long as you are true to the best that is in you!
   - Christian Larson