Wednesday, June 16, 2010

Never Ever Ever Say How Well You Are Sleeping!

This should be a mommy blogger rule. You are sure to jinx yourself! Last night I stayed up til midnight. Ruby woke up crying at 1am and subsequently every hour afterwards. Ended up sleeping in there with her as she tossed and turned something awful. Actually, I should say she flip-flopped... like a fish out of water, thrashing around on the bed, kicking me out of the way at times and reaching out for my hand at others. Around 7am she started crying again and said in her sleep "WAKE UP! WAKE UP, MOMMY!" Poor thing. Did she dream something happened to me? Was she having an adoption related dream or was it just the overactive mind of a toddler? Gotta wonder. I tried to reassure her that I was there and that oh, yes, I was definitely awake, but she didn't seem awake at first. Then Jeff came in and she opened her eyes and looked at him so I knew she WAS awake. It was a slow minute until she seemed to realize she wasn't in her dream. She was okay then and was back snuggling in my arms and we slept till nearly 10. I never let her (or me for that matter) sleep so long but we were both exhausted.

Not too many adoption issues have surfaced so far. She is pretty happy and agreeable most of the time. Went she does get upset, it's either because she is sick, overtired, or just wants her way on something. If it's the later, it's usually over pretty quick. But still, I know her feelings are buried in there somewhere. Maybe it just comes out at night. We can go a week or so without incident and then the nightmares start again. Sometimes for a day. Sometimes 2 or 3 nights in a row. I am always trying to go back over the night or day and see what we did different. Was it a busy day, a movie we watched, did she eat dairy, is she sick? I can sometimes find a reason but rarely can pin point it to a common denominator. Last night we did have a snack before bed. I read somewhere that this is good for kids to help them sleep (having a full belly). However, if I eat before bed it makes me dream more vividly so why shouldn't this be the same for a kid? Who knows? Trying to crack the case of the non sleeping toddler is like trying to solve any of life's greater mysteries. Tough!

 I just hope I am doing all I can in the case of buried adoption/abandonment issues. She's not very interested when I show her the life book I made and pictures of her at the orphanage. She never seems sad or annoyed with them, just uninterested and seems to not recognize much. I thought maybe she has forgotten already or is too young to get it. Any thoughts out there? I am curious if other kids out there are having nightmares and how to know if it's adoption or normal toddler stuff. My nephew is biological and goes through the same thing at times so I wonder how to tell. Also, how often do you (or did you) tell your toddler their adoption story? How often do you show the pics? We've only been doing it once in a while because she is so disinterested.  It seemed age appropriate, but maybe I should do it more?

Uh-oh, it's 11:30 and she just woke up crying...only 2 hours after she went down. I went in and sang a song and she is back asleep now. Still this is not a good sign. Better try to go get some shut-eye in case it's a bumpy night. :-)


Jessica said...

Ohh, sorry, Jen. I know we both covet sleep! Maybe you should keep a sleep diary, maybe that would give you insight to things that are the same/different? Good luck and keep us posted.

christina said...

nightmares and night terrors are fairly common. I don't want to discount your fears about R and issues with adoption/abandonment but in the general scope of things she seems happy and adjusted so my feelings would be to say that it's probably not that and more just being a kid. She is doing a lot and experiencing so much and sometimes it takes a while for the mind to absorb it all. I believe that kids do much of it while sleeping.

M went through a spate of something similar and as she's gotten older it's been less and less. Another thing, a friend told me about this and we tried it and it seemed to work. Is is very warm in R's room at night? We used to keep a space heater, two blankets and pjs with sock on M and were told to try to keep her cooler. Sometimes when you are too warm in the middle of the night it makes kids uncomfortable, yet they are tangled in blankets and then it becomes part of a dream, etc you see where it's going? So we've been keeping M on the cooler side and so far she sleeps through like a rock, knock on wood. Just a thought.
take care,

Maci Miller said...

Good thoughts - both of you!

Christina it WAS a bit warm that night and we do, in general, try to keep it cooler. Noticed that in the fall when I jacked the heat up only to realize I was the only one that liked it! Ruby & Jeff like it cool! :-)

Now Jess - that is a good idea about a diary. I should track of what she eats, what big things happened that day and how she slept. Then maybe I can really get closer to knowing what triggers these nights the most. Had restless sleep again last night, but not as bad.

Pink Velvet Mommy said...

hmmmm don't have much to offer. I know that things happen with H and always wonder is it adoption or is it being almost 2?? H had a lot of crying out in the and what seemed to be bad dreams the first 4 months or so that we were home, but that seems to have pretty much stopped. Occasionally I hear her on the moniter at night talk or whimper....but that is usually it.

Sounds like it was a ROUGH night, I don't remember feeling that bad after an alnighter in college~LOL

Hope it gets better or you pinpoint some triggers.

Chris and Terri said...

So many times I debate is this or that reaction adoption related with Mia and I've come to a conclusion on it.

I won't always know but she is adopted so while another 18 month old might react the same way and it be age related, I have to be considerate of M's past affecting the situation. So sometimes I may come across as "easy" or "too protective or worried" but so be it. I'd rather help her become more secure than not.

As far as nightmares, specifically, Mark had horrific nightmares for a while so all I can tell you is just be there. It's awful when you can't do anything except hold them.

I have no clue on the lifebook thing and when to start, how often and all that. I hope someone responds to that part. Someone posted one time that she kind of left it within her child's reach and when he got it off the shelf, she'd say Do you want Mommy to tell you about the book? or something like that.