That's how I am feeling right now. What a moment I just had with Ruby. We went through our bedtime routine and turned out the lights. I lay with her every night until she falls asleep. She knows I will go, but just wants me there for awhile. I hold her close and she falls asleep. Then I slip out. It's our new routine. She played with her favorite bear for a bit before settling down tonight. She said the bear was so happy cause he loved his family and friends. So sweet, I thought. So darn sweet.
I gently reminded her it was time to quiet down and get some sleep. "Ok, Momma." Silence. "Momma?" she says. "Yes, honey?" I reply. "I love you soooo much!" Pause for thought... "a LOT". A huge smile washed over me. I tell her how much I love her, too, and snuggle in a little closer. She is shifting still and I can tell she's not ready to sleep, but I ask her to try again. She says (sweetly), "I try but I just thinking about my family". So we talk a little more. We talk about the weekend and how Grandma is coming. She is happy about this. I remind her that she slept in her own bed all week and we are sooo proud of her. I also remind her that she gets "dirt" ice cream for being so good. She says to me "Mommy, I crying happy tears. Yes, look...I did". She's never done this before. Tears are usually for meltdowns or boo boos. I almost want to laugh cause I think it's because of the ice cream. But she turns to me...and her eyes are teary. I say "why the happy tears, sweetheart?" and she replies "cause I love my family!" Well, you can guess what happened next! Yup. I start crying, too. I said to her "well, now look, Mommy's crying happy tears now, too". I tell her how much I love her. How I dreamed of having a daughter for so long and how she is much much MORE than I could have ever dreamed. We looked at each other then - teary eyed mother and daughter - and just stared for a few seconds. And then we laughed as I exclaimed what silly girls we are. She thought that was funny, too, and we had a good long giggle and hug. A few minutes more and she rolled over and fell fast asleep. But I laid there a bit longer. Staring at the sweet kid I have been blessed to call daughter. Saying the prayer I say every day and every night....thanking God for sending her into our lives and our hearts. I am so so grateful and beyond words to explain how I feel. It was such a moment. I had to jot it down here so I never ever forget it.