I got an email last night from Wacap. I read it and re-read it. No, this can't be right. I am reading something wrong. There are two families she HOPES will travel by the end of summer and then hopes maybe more but doesn't know if she will get referrals through the summer. The homeland tour is going to take up a lot of the SW's time. I'm sorry, WHAT????
I got her on the phone today. She is wonderful and supportive but has no answers. It's not her fault. I know it isn't. The Thailand program is unpredictable. But who's fault is it? I can't blame our SW cause I know she too is working hard and has sooo many cases from 7 different countries. But still, how does this happen? Why do these children just sit in an orphanage day after day when there is someone willing and able (MORE than willing and able) to take them home and love them? People ask me this on a daily basis and I have no answer for them. Because I don't know myself. My strong wall is crumbling down. The projects I keep coming up with are not helping. I couldn't even find the strength to plant flowers today knowing she won't get to see them or the butterfly garden I created just for her. I just sat there crying instead. How pathetic is that?
Bottom line is we may have to wait now until Fall. Just to get the referral. Then who knows till we travel. I just don't know how this is possible and I really don't know how I can possibly manage to wait that long. Is this really happening?
As I told my dear friend, Nancy, today...I knew this would be an emotional roller coaster, but I had no idea how much steeper the climb would get each time I had to go back up! Going to try to seek out some singing jobs for this summer. Rehearsing takes my mind off of things and getting a singing gig will motivate me to go back to the gym more often. Wish me luck! I need a much bigger diversion and one that will last all summer long.
[NOTE: Well, I tried to rush down this morning and take this post off before anyone read it, but I was too late! I'm sorry to be such a downer after just posting about laughter a few days ago! I am going to stop posting for a few days till I can pull myself out of the doldrums. The last thing I want to do is to spread negativity amongst my friends and fellow adoptive moms. I was just down last night when I posted. I know this will get better. Hoping others in process get their news very quickly!]
7 comments:
Ohh Jen, big hug to you, what difficult uncertainty that news must have been to receive, I have heard that rumor before though that things slow up in years of the homeland tour, but I havent heard any firm facts on it, maybe Sharon in Aus can shed some light for us? It is indeed very hard to come up with distraction methods, Gem x
Oh Jen, I am so sorry! What can I do? I hope to be at DSDW on 10th July. I will ask our social worker to ask your social worker what is happening with Ruby. I can't believe you have been told that Nuanthip will be busy with the Nativeland Tour.I remember when Nativeland was on in 2006, there were still board meetings etc. Also Nativeland is only 7 days all up!
Oh Jen. ARGHHH! What on earth?? I am SO sorry. This is truly unbelieveable. It hurts my heart. Big hugs and prayers for you and Ruby and Jeff.
Hi Jen
I really hope this is not true. I totally opened your blog and expected that you got your referral today.
Keep your chin up, I think you will have it before the start of summer. They can't make you wait much longer. 8-)
Nichole
We were matched with Jaxin May 24th 2006 - the year the last homeland tour was on. Our official allocation arrived in Australia on 25th August 2006. 3 months later which is right. Takes 3 months from matching to allocation for us in Australia. My point is our social worker in BKK was still working on files before the homeland tour. The tour isn't going to be as large this year so I am sure this won't stop any referrals coming through.Jen, keep your chin up!
OK Missy, you just listen right now. You do not have to post this comment. But you do have to read it. You ARE NOT spreading negativitity, are are dealing with reality. You are dealing with your heart and the heartache of being a mother and a mother to a child that you have yet to see in real life and to hold flesh to flesh. This is your journal and one that one day Ruby will read and one day you will read with her and she will feel your love for her and share your pain and you tears just as we do so you should write it here. Your pain is real and we do understand. We have been there every single one of us and we feel it, it is real.
Each day does bring you closer but that doesn't help you on days like this. A good cry helps you and that is Ok.
love me.
I love you all! Thank you so much!
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