What Goes Up Must Come Down

Yes, I have hit a wall again. With every month and every new season we get a new sense of hope and anticipation. Okay, it's not going to be Fall, but maybe Christmas! Okay, it's not going to be Winter, but how great will Spring be?? Hmmm, alright, so maybe it won't be Spring, but it will be early Summer which is just practically the end of Spring and right around the corner, right?? We make deals with ourselves. We rationalize how much better the next season will be and we tell ourselves that it is not really that far off. She will be fine. We will be fine. It's just a few more months. We are really getting close now!

Well, I'm sorry for the negative vibe of this post, but when on earth is this ever going to end??? We have been supposedly "close" since last November and yet we are in the same limbo mode as 6 months ago! It's so frustrating that some days I just have to take off my blinders and scream! WHY? and WHEN for crying out loud??? GET A MOVE ON IT!!!!

I was pulled out of my stay-busy-and-deny-everything mode recently when I saw someone on the yahoo group mention they have a June board meeting in Thailand. I read it and was like, huh? They are booking June already? But wait a minute...WE are supposed to be at that meeting! I was so sure that June would be the very LATEST we would be going, yet here we are in May with no referral yet. I had talked to Wacap and the SW actually told them a few weeks ago that our file was ready and will be the next referral coming. Well, it's still not here yet and two days ago Kate said "you know, a June referral wouldn't be out of the ordinary... It will be a year since your dossier is in". How is this even possible? When we started this I plowed through the paperwork and got our dossier to them in less than 2 months. The file sat on Andrea's desk for months and somehow never got to Thailand until JUNE. I am still scratching my head on that one. Also when we started, we were told it was 2-10 months to get referral, now it is 2-12 and we are the worst case scenario. Uggh. And with the 2-4 month wait between referral and travel, we have a new "worst case" projected travel of September! This is breaking my heart.

No seashore, no butterflies. She won't see the butterfly and hummingbird garden I started for her. She won't ride her tricycle on the patio we just hedged in. She won't ease into our life here in the warm weather, but may instead be shocked with the cool fall. I know she doesn't know all that she is missing, but I do. And it's (yet another) hard pill to swallow. God please send me more strength and patience. The well is running dry.