The house is quiet this morning. This is rare occurrence. I got up at 7:30 and crept downstairs for a cup of java with a smile on my face. The sun is shining in the window, yet it's not as hot as previous days. It's gonna be a good day and I'm looking forward to a fun weekend in Hbg. with the family. Since I have some peace and quiet I thought I'd catch up a bit on blogging. Warning: this is a long one! I wrote the following post a month ago - June 10th to be exact. The next day all hell broke loose. I'll let you read this one first, then give you an update below...
Warm and fuzzy beginnings:
I believe that out of all things some good shall come. There is always a reason, a silver lining, an opportunity that we are given to learn and grow. So while I was VERY sad when my brother and his wife told us they were getting divorced, I am happy to report that my bro and nephews have moved in with us for awhile. We have a 5 bedroom house and 2 of the rooms on the 3rd floor are mostly unused unless we have guests over. I thought it crazy for my brother, Jason, to have to pay rent for 6 months when we have plenty of room here. We are all very excited! It's going to be a great time for our family. A great time for bonding, sharing, and for our kids to know each other even more.
We are going to be helping him save for a new house, but he will be helping us, too! Jason can fix anything and loves to do home and yard projects. He's already helped Jeff re-do part of the basement. It's now the "man cave", LOL. Jason has his couch and TV down there. They installed a new cabinet and counter behind the bar, put the fridge in the wall, sealed the wall, and painted. It's looks nice. Great for guy time and now he and his sons have their own place to hang. I think Jeff will be excited to hang down there sometimes, too! Oh, the game nights they will have. I am happy for him that he'll get some male bonding in. Ha, ha, I am also happy to not have to listen to football upstairs this fall! :-) Next the guys are going to build a much needed shed outside and Jase is gonna make some shelves for me here and there and help with the yard. With the extra cash he is giving us, I hope to get a cleaning woman again and with the extra help from Jason, I can get organized! It's a win win situation! Oh, and did I mention he loves to cook (and is good at it) plus he's a wine rep and is bringing his amazing collection with him? What great big family dinners we will have! I asked him why the heck he didn't move in sooner! I think I will benefit from this arrangement far more than he, although he seems to think we are doing him the favor!
But, seriously, the coolest part about it is Ruby having Ryan around 3-4 days a week. They had so much fun last weekend and it's so great to give her a chance to experience a sibling-like relationship. So far, she loves it. I'm sure they will fight over toys at times and there will be an adjustment period. Actually, I think it is gonna be harder on Ryan than Ruby. It will take time. But he has 2 wonderful parents who love him and are still friends. It will work out. I'm glad we can have this time together. We joke that by the end of 6 months we all may be quite sick of each other, but I am feeling confident that is it gonna be one amazing time in our lives in which we all learn, love, and grow.
Today, Friday July 30: We are still standing:
The day after I wrote that my brother and I had a serious argument. I was so bummed. Don't even remember why now (which tells you how stupid it was) but it took a few days to work out. Days later we battled again because he wanted to have some friend that I have never met come and party and crash at the house. I don't run a hotel around here! 3 more people was quite enough for us all to get used to. I just didn't feel comfortable with him bringing someone else home I didn't know. They had only been here a little over a week at that point. SO... it didn't exactly start like I had hoped. Instead of getting more help around here I was feeling like I gained 3 more children (including my brother!) to clean up after. The house was already a mess and my own disorganization was starting to drive me crazy BEFORE they moved in. From my brother's standpoint, I became a nag. In his opinion, much like the environment he left. "Please can you turn the lights off, put your glasses/dishes away, remove your stinky/dirty socks from my FRONT PORCH, be quiet coming in so you don't wake the baby, turn the tv down so you don't wake the baby, put your things away, empty your stinky ashtray and keep it at the far end of my front porch so I don't open my front door in the morning and smell cigarettes first thing!, etc." Let's just say, we have some different and unique habits that sort of clashed.
To be fair, he HAS helped a little around here. He will do dishes sometimes, empty trash and help Jeff with yard work. We've all had a very busy summer around here with vacations and outings plus and Jeff and Jason have both been super busy with work. So we are just now settling into a "normal" schedule. Jace has shared some fabulous wines (and this is not to be discounted!) and we've had some nice long talks lately. Starting to get used to each others ways, habits, schedules. I am trying hard to tame my inner control freak and not nag so much. I want them to feel at home and not under inspection. My nephews are great. I love talking with Anthony and Ryan is a little sweetie pie. And I should say here that since the beginning of this arrangement there have been good times mixed in, too. It's certainly not been all stress. Just took some adjustment. Sometimes it feels like one big party. Fun dinners, big Sat morning breakfasts, fun times with the kids.
At times my bro and I still clash a little, but it's getting better. He had a cow when I hired a cleaning woman this week because I had them invade HIS space. Too bad. I wasn't caving on this one. The WHOLE house got a good, deep cleaning. I even went around after the woman and further cleaned (when she wasn't looking) so it was up to my standards. Haha, I guess I shouldn't say "my standards" cause it's been a mess the greater part of the last 6 months! Not dirty, but messy. Cleaning has been in quick little spurts and not a thorough job like I used to do. So I am content. For the 1st time in 10 months, my home is quite clean and organized. I've tackled projects I've been meaning to do and had a stellar play date here yesterday for 4 kids and it still looks good. It's taken so long for me to really feel like I got it together instead of flying by the seat of my pants. Still far from a supermom, but much better than I was months ago. Now if I can just get back to the gym and start cooking more I will REALLY feel good! But.... baby steps. Want to still enjoy my summer with Rubes. She, BTW, has adjusted fabulously to the guys being here. Loves Uncle Jay and enjoys having the boys around. Ryan took a few visits to get used to it and Jason missed him sooo much. I really had to take a step back and realize how hard this whole thing is for my bro. I wasn't thinking enough about the big changes HE was going through. Lots of life lessons around here. So today, we are all still standing and learning to live as one big, happy family. We are growing and sharing as I first hoped. It just took awhile to get there. :-)
4 comments:
I'm glad to hear that things have settled in your house. It's hard, your brother is going through some life changes with two kids. But at the same time, it is your house and you do have the youngest to think about it.
As for "supermom"... I am convinced that "supermom" is an ideal created by the media. Give me a break, you are supermom already if you love your child, give her security, compassion, and understanding. If you feed her, take care of her, soothe her. If you don't abuse her, play with her, and still are able to find the energy (albeit sometimes small) to say to your husband that he is wonderful. The house, the dust, the laundry piling up in two sections (clean/dirty), the strewn toys and markers, the unread book by the nightstand... those are things you will not reflect upon when you time is up, I guarantee that you will only think of the good times, the loving moments, the instances of pure joy your family has brought to you. That is what makes you a supermom (already).
...Um, and how about some pics? Heh.
christina
Jen, sharing your house with family can be hard. I know. But I also know that when we moved to CA we lived with my parents for 8 months. That was hard too and it's great that you were able to recognize that. But the bottom line is, it's your house. Therefore, your rules.
Here's to smooth sailing (and good wine) from here on out!
I just spent 14 months of having my mother in law live with us. I must say it was a choice we all made happily. She was a huge help when we first came home with Hayden and I have no idea how anything would have gotten done without her. She allowed me to totally put my energy into being a mom. I thank her for that opportunity. However I will say it is VERY hard to have someone invade your space and do things differently. In the end it is your house and you are use to running it in certain ways. I reliquished most of that(not sure how or why....so not my personality) but in the end I would offer the advice of keep to your 6 month timeline so that a relationship is not ruined(as in my case sadly) I do hope the time he is there is helpful, enjoyable, and cherished. It is always a interspecitive experience when living with others!!
Right there with you on unfinished projects, things that normally get cleaned and organized that haven't, dinners that need to be cooked. My task mgmt abilities blew right out the door the day I became a mommy. Not sure what happened. Oh the things I need to get done and accomplished!!!
Can't believe summer is almost over!!!!
ummmm pictures of the princess next time please!!!
Wow!!! What a big change you're going through!!!! I had no idea, the other day, when we talked, that they had moved in with you!!! I'm WAY behind!
We're in a similar situation with my little sister and her husband. They've been coming here every Friday through Sunday for the past 8 months or so... They'll eventually be moving here, but for now, they come for his job on the weekends. Very soon, though, he'll have a job in town, and he'll live here ALL week while she works at her job back home, then she'll come for the weekends. It is a HUGE adjustment! Good and bad... We LOVE having time with them. They help with the kids about once a week, which is wonderful!!! However, they EAT a ton :) LOL! And they are more messy than the kids at times!!! Eric says it's a bit like having two teenagers here!
You're right, though. These are times where we're all growing closer together. The kids are bonding with their aunt and uncle like never before! Priceless!!
Post a Comment