PATIENCE

The Wikipedia dictionary defines patience as: the state of endurance under difficult circumstances, which can mean persevering in the face of a delay...

Well I define it as my life's greatest challenge! I know I need more of it, but just the very need of it makes me grow more impatient for a taste this magical ingredient to life! How does one acquire such great endurance? Well, I sure can't tell you, but I'm guessing time helps. I have the persevering part down. Maybe the rest will come! :-)

One thing I do know is this: The longer we have had to wait for a baby, the more my heart knows that I will love being a mother. The longer we wait for information on this baby, the more I love this unknown little person with my heart and soul.  How can you feel such a deep connection with someone you have never even met? I'm not sure, but it's there and filling my heart as we speak. 

So maybe this crazy, elusive thing called patience is worth it. Maybe it will show up right when I need it. Let's hope!

Our Child's First Birthday

April 11, 2007 was a miraculous day!

The moon was 3/4 full, heading towards the new moon on the 17th . The temperature was hot and balmy (about 94 F) in the southern part of Thailand. It was the Year of the Fire Pig, according to the Chinese Zodiac. A year said to be very lucky, as the fire element in the The Year of the Pig only occurs once every 600 years. Well, it was a once in a lifetime occurrence to us! A beautiful baby girl was born on the other side of the world and unknowingly became the answer to our prayers. While we were here waiting to be parents and give all our love to a child, she was born under difficult circumstances and needed a mommy and daddy to love her. God united our souls through the awesome gift of adoption. It's so amazing.

Today, this new Mommy & Daddy are giddy and excited, but also feel a strong tug at our hearts because we can't be there for her 1st birthday. So we did what any emotionally charged, eager new parents would do: we ordered Thai food from our favorite restaurant, put a "1" candle on a coconut flange and celebrated her birthday. We said a special prayer for her health and safety until we can get there and thanked God for her precious life. Sappy? Oh yea. I have been the QUEEN of Sappiness lately! But someday we can show her the picture and she will know that from a land far, far away someone was loving her and celebrating her birthday. Happy Birthday baby!

Almost Your Birthday

(Excerpt from personal journal - April 4, 2008)

Today I cried at the Walmart. Not full out crying, but tears sprang to my eyes as I strolled down the birthday aisle filled with paper plates, cups and napkins. All matching pretty patterns next to birthday candles, party hats, favors, and decorations. It's your birthday one week from today. Who is going to celebrate it with you? Will it go by unnoticed? Will someone hold you and let you know how great the world is because your in it? (I will someday!) I will pray with every ounce of my being that you will know you are loved. We are dying to be with you right now and take you home!

I bought you a few presents! You won't be able to see them until next year's birthday, but they will be waiting for you. I also bought a little candle. It's a number 1. We will put it on a cake and wish you love. We will say a prayer together and thank God for you. If you ever look back on your beginnings and wonder if you were loved, know that, YES, you were truly and wholeheartedly loved...by an unknown force pulling our love through millions of miles. We love the little you we haven't even seen yet! We don't even know much about you and yet we feel for you so deep in our hearts that it hurts sometimes.

Waiting On Info

Waiting quite impatiently, I must add. Found out we won't get to see her picture and medical info for at least 3 weeks. Three whole weeks! It feels like forever! The medical reports have to be translated and I guess it takes that long. Then it will be sent to Wacap and our agency rep, Andrea has to get back from Thailand, put together a whole file on it and THEN we get to see it. Urrrr. I want it NOW! So many questions on my mind today...What does she look like? Is she healthy? What are her special needs? What is CP and does she have it? Will she be okay? Will she walk? What kind of doctors do we need? Will she be ours? Is it official? When will we know? Will I be a good mom? Will I know what to do? Is she cute? Sweet? Stubborn? Silly? Happy? Sad? Fussy? Lovey??

Can't sleep. Can't think of anything else.